Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
