I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize