i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
