He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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