oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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