Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
