I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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