how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
