even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
