Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.

(410): View more from Maryland

and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped

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(661): View more from California

I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it

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(770): View more from Georgia

Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.

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(330): View more from Ohio

i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense

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(618): View more from Illinois

not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...

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