my vag is so smooth its legendary
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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