Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
