We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
