dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I want her autograph on my taint
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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