I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
