so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
