I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
