So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
