Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
