K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
cat food counts as protein by the way
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
