Don't you send me to vm
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
