I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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