no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
