Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
