my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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