I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
