Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
