I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
