you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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