yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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