There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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