Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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