I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
