i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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