talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Let's get the cat blown out
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
