I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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