He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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