: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
