Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
