I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
