update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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