She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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