Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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