At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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