She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
