Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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