brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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