I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
