Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
