Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
