I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
