God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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