That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize