i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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