i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
