should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize