eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
