I am midnight drunk by noon
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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