So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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