I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
