anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
