why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
