we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
