so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
