i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
