remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
