she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
