you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize