you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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