So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
