Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
