Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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