Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
