So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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