just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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