I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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