Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
