I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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