Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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