im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
