i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
