you traded sex for a burrito?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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