The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
