we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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