At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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