It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
