....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
is wine microwaveable?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
