i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize