so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
