i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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