let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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