Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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