My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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