It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize