And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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