im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
