The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
