guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
