I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
