sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
