So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
