I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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