I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I want to be your penis for a week.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
