It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
