dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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